The LeBaron Family Oscar Awards

In honor of the Academy Awards, I’ve put together a few family winners in a variety of categories. I don’t actually watch the Oscars, probably because I generally have to watch movies like “Barbie and the Fairy Kingdom of Elves,” or some sci-fi flick that requires my boy’s whispering the plot in my ear for me to keep track of it. So I don’t know the movies that are nominated and I generally don’t really care. I’m also not fond of the whole red carpet thing because the last formal dress I can remember wearing was my wedding gown and it would take a whole team of special effects artists to get me back into it—ever. I’d rather not watch wafer-thin actresses sashay across the carpet—but that’s just me.


Anyway, it’s time for the awards. Here goes.

Best Achievement in Sound Editing. We live on a mountain that creates a natural ampetheater, so all sound from my backyard reverberates across the neighborhood. One day last summer my five-year-old daughter was swimming in the pool with her brothers and she had apparently picked up a naughty word that she liked from one of the boys because she began bouncing up and down in the water, yelling the bad word each time she came up for air. Because she had her eyes closed as she plunged in and out of the water, she couldn’t see me waving my arms or hear me yelling at her. Needless to say, I had to bonk her on the head with the pool skimmer to get her to stop. Sound edited—finally, although I’m pretty sure my neighbors were wishing I had a four-second delay and a censor button.

Best Musical or Comedy. As I said before, sound travels well from my house and one summer night we were having a barbeque with another family. It was a Friday night and we were enjoying the company, with the adults talking and laughing while the kids ran around the backyard. So imagine my surprise when, at 9:30, my neighbor appeared at the edge of my yard wearing a housecoat and slippers. He was carrying a flashlight that he shined in our faces as he told us that it was time for us to “knock off that racket” and that “people are trying to sleep.” Bear in mind that the summer sun set at 10:00 around here. I’m not exactly sure why he needed that flashlight but it was tough not to laugh.

Best Performance in a Leading Role (Also Best Performance in a Supporting Role)

When I came home from work the other day, my son approached me with a smoothie and a list of all the chores he’d decided to do because “he knows I’m busy and that I could use some help around the house.” At first I thought aliens had abducted my children and replaced them with Stepford children (not that I’d object immediately), but then he sweetly began to explain why it would be best for him to have a Kindle. He even produced a list of reasons, many of which involved school and future scholarships to Ivy League schools.

Then my youngest boy came into the kitchen as if on cue to tell me about all the reasons why it would be beneficial to the entire family if his older brother had a Kindle. I didn’t even know he knew the word “beneficial.” But it was the first time I’ve seen them work together as a team—and that is quite the achievement.

Best Picture. My daughter learned how to ride a two wheeler this week. It was so fun to watch her tentatively start out pedaling her little bike up and down the street and wind up speeding along with confidence a short time later. Then she decided that the cat needed to see how fun it was to ride a bike too. So she wrapped the cat around her handlebars and took off. The cat was less than thrilled and climbed up her shoulder and onto her head. For a split second my daughter was riding her bike with a cat perched on the top of her head before the cat screeched and jumped off, disappearing into a bush. Best picture. Too bad I didn’t catch it on camera.