Someone To Rely On

This morning my kids were upset at me. It appears that I was making them late by making sure that I had my purse, keys and my teeth brushed. Never mind the fact that they’d be really late if I decided not to drive them. So they ran downstairs tossing, “We’ll be in the car,” over their shoulders. I did the adult thing and double checked to make sure that I had everything I would need for my day and headed down to the car.


As I’m dropping my kids off at the bus, my daughter slides out of the car and looks up at me in surprise, “Mom, I forgot my shoes.” She wasn’t upset or sorry or emotional in any way. She just forgot her shoes. The boys were angry, but she just hopped back in the car and expected me to drive her back home, pick up her shoes, and get her back to the bus stop on time. And I did, because that’s my job.

And I realized that I want someone like me to have my back. I’m tired of being perpetually responsible, always thinking three steps ahead to make sure that I’m not blindsided by something unexpected. I want to spend just one day doing whatever I feel like doing, without worrying about what I’m forgetting while I’m shopping for cute shoes I can’t afford or watching a movie in the middle of the day. Wouldn’t it be fun to be five again, just for a day? To have someone to rely on so fully that you don’t even have to remember your shoes. I wonder if it would be as restful as it seems. I’ve tried the bathtub, but it’s not nearly as relaxing as I’d hoped. By the time I’d answered math questions under the closed door and had my daughter cry outside the door, begging to get in the bath with me and accusing me of hating her because I locked her out, I wasn’t enjoying my soak. It’s a nice fantasy, but that’s all it is. Parenting never ends—just ask all those Grandparents that are raising or tending their grandchildren. But it’s kind of nice to be that person that my daughter can rely on. Makes me feel like a good parent, and kids often make you feel like a bad one. They’re pretty good at that.