To Delegate or Discontinue

The laundry list of tasks I’d love to delegate or just plain stop doing altogether is long. Housekeeping tops the list followed by filling my car and running forgotten homework to school. Most women would be just as happy to give up those chores as I am, but there are other less conventional things I have on my list. For instance, I wish someone could just shower for me and I would vicariously come out clean. I know it sounds silly, but most of the time I’m too tired to want to shower. I’d rather hit the snooze button than shave my legs. That’s another thing I hate doing—shaving and all of the other beauty routines that we’re slaves to because men like their women smooth, shiny and smelling good. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not willing to be the first woman to ditch the hair dye and the blowout in an effort to create a revolution, but if every woman gave it up I’d be excited to join their ranks.


I’d also give up eating in a New York second mainly because mealtimes are so painful. If I can even manage to come up with an idea for dinner that uses ingredients that I actually have on hand, then my kids won’t eat it. They’ll complain and ask for something different—generally a dish that I can’t make without a grocery run or they all ask for something different like I’m a short-order cook. What they don’t realize is that I could happily munch on a bowl of chips and salsa every single night and call it dinner—if only they could be brainwashed to call it dinner too. When the meal in a pill comes out I’ll be the first in line.

Family vacations are another thing I could live without. They’re horribly expensive and almost impossible to budget since, once you’re away from home, even stupid things like shot glasses and plastic necklaces become must have items. The kids always fight, or as in the case with our last trip to Disneyland, they ask if they can go back to the room and play Game Cube rather than spend the afternoon posing for pictures with Mickey. But the worst thing about family vacations is sharing the hotel room. I think it would be perfectly lovely if we all agreed that the kids need to spend time with their grandparents while Mom and Dad reconnect and unwind. I’m sure Disney would boycott the idea with increased advertising on Nickelodeon, but I’d be happy.

I could go on, but I have to quit to perform another chore I’d rather not. Because, let’s face it, there’s not much I like to do.