Reflections on Happily Ever After

When I first started this blog I promised my husband that I wouldn’t really write about him specifically. I think he was worried that I’d embarrass him, but I’m plenty embarrassing for the both of us. I’m flummoxed by the thought of cleaning a microwave and this morning’s rush to school looked like a fire drill gone horribly, horribly wrong. But we just hit our twentieth wedding anniversary and it’s a pretty big accomplishment these days, and I feel like I should say something to mark the occasion.


What has been rattling around my head this week is how different Happily Ever After looks from this side. I was a young bride, full of romantic notions, big plans and dreams that played more like a black and white movie than real life. But real life is messy, confusing and often down right boring. We’ve zigzagged between times when we act like a couple of newlyweds, all touchy feely and generally terribly embarrassing to our offspring, to times when we act more like partners in the business of family life than lovers. Thankfully we’ve stuck it out—even when it felt pointless to continue. And it feels like I’ve hit my Happily Ever After.

I just didn’t think it would look like this. I didn’t realize that I would still get all tingly watching my husband sleep or that I would be happy to sacrifice my couple time so that he could catch up on his sleep. I never pictured us spending so much time working on the house, or the children, or the minutia of life and I never thought that I could be at peace with that. I also never thought I could love him more than I did on our wedding day—but I do. I love him much more because I’m in love with the sacrifices he makes for me and our children.

I also didn’t realize how much my children would contribute to my Happily Ever After. Somehow I had pictured them more as paper dolls with cute interchangeable outfits than little people with complete and engaging personalities. I love watching them grow and stretch and try new things. I’m happy to be a football-wrestling-dancing fan when it comes to my children. I love teenagers. They’re so interesting and enthusiastic and their mood swings are a sight to behold. They’re as passionate about politics as they are about perfecting rubber band launching from their fingers.

I also thought that Happily Ever After was a destination rather than a journey. I could blame Disney for always ending the fairy tale on her wedding day, but it’s best that I didn’t really know. I’m not sure I would have signed on otherwise and then I’d never be living my Happily Ever After twenty years later.